what should we do?

[cperinaz]

hello all,

I haven`t written for a long time. My brother`s doing ok, we all back to our lives, thank God. I can`t say normal life because the cancer effected it.

anyway, my question is: we had met one of my mother´s student when my brother taking chemotherapy. He had testicular cancer, too. He was also my brother´s friend from primary school. Unfortunately about a month ago he passed away. My brother was out of city when he died. When he came back, he asked how was he doing and my mother lied to him. She didn´t say he died. She doesn´t want him to be frigthened. I don´t think my mom is doing the right thing. My brother is still asking about his friend. and every time my mom tries to find a different answer. I say her that she can´t make Murat(mom´s student) live for ever.

What should we do? What is the right thing to say? Please help.

Cigdem

[Les' Mom]

Sweetie,

Your mom must tell your brother the truth. One thing you brother is strong. Anyone that can go through what he has can handle this.

When my son had his stem cell transplant we met another family with a son that was beginning his transplant. His transplant didnt work and Scott died. I told me son as soon as Scott died. It was important for me to let Les know because he asked about Scott.

I hope your mom decides to tell your brother. If she cant do it, maybe you can do it for her.

Much love,
Pam

[icoe]

Hi Cigdem,
It's good that your brother is doing well.
I can understand that your mam is trying to protect your brother by not telling him about his friend , We had the same situation with my son and his friend were being treated for T/C about 2 years ago they lived in different towns but met up when having treatment. Kevin friend Tom had both finished 4 rounds of BEP together and were happy to have got treatment over with. It was'nt until Kevin had a relapse that I found out that Tom had passed away a week before his 17th birthday. It was hard telling Kevin but I rather tell him than him find out from someone else. Tom's parents had wrote their story for a magagine trying to make teenagers aware of T/C and at the time it was out in the press it was also in all the local newspapers I could not imagine how he would of felt if I had not told him, he did find it hard to come to terms with but we worked through it together as a family. The longer you leave it the harder your brother will take it, you could say to your mam "if you don't tell him I will "he as a right to know.
Irene

[ATLfuzzy]

tough, tough call.

[Scott]

Since he's asking directly, I too favor telling the truth -- delivered with empathy.

[Jay68442]

I too feel the truth should be told.

When I was going through treatment the doctors told me how important it was for me to stay away from crowded places. They told me that if I got even a simple cold while my immune system was low it could be dangerous. Needless to say I didn’t listen. I went to the mall and other crowded places and acted like I was just like everyone else. Stupid me but I got lucky. A friend of mine that I met in the hospital was not so lucky. During treatment he came down with the flu and died. That was a hard lesson learned but you can bet I didn’t take any more chances after that. The truth is hard sometimes but it can also serve as strong tool for those that forget how fragile life is.

[cperinaz]

thanks for the replies. I will try to persuade mom. I have talked to her several times. My brother is going to study in Austria and will be there by September. So my mom thinks he will stop asking Murat when he goes. But i dont think so. Anyway, thanks