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Some humor

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  • Some humor

    If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired!

    The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

    The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
    'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.
    But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer. The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,

    ''Where are your testicles?''

    The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.
    TC1: May 2001 / Right orchiectomy / seminoma stage 1 / Radiation
    TC2: July 2008 / Left orchiectomy / seminoma stage 1 / X2 Prostheses / Reandron (long term Testosterone injections)

  • #2
    A dude is having an interview for a new job, then he says "well, I lost my testicles time ago, I hope it is not a problem for you ?" - "of course it is not a problem for us !... by the way, you can start your new job tomorrow, we usually start at 8:00 AM, but you can come 2 hours later" - "why later ?" - "Because until 10:00 AM there's nothing to do and we just scratch our balls".
    - early Apr/11: something is "wrong" in my righty
    - 16/Apr/11: ultrasound find a mass in it
    - 27/Apr/11: right I/O
    - 29/Apr/11: stadiation CT scan shows "all clear"
    - May/11: pathology: 1 cm Seminoma (90% necrotic), no RT/LV invasion
    - Surveillance....
    - March/13: relapse - para aortic node 1.7 cm, waiting for treatment...


    • #3
      A tourist in Spain entered in a restaurant that served typical food and dishes and that was located nearby an arena when fight betwenn bulls and toreros took place. When he sat down at his table he started seeing the other clients that were eating some sort of big balls with sauce. So, he decided to call the waiter and asked him what were those balls, the waiter answered to him that those balls were bull testicles, and that they received them directly from the arena when a bull was killed by the torero. So the tourist, due to the curiosity, decided to order the bull testicles as main dish. He waited half an hour and then the waiter come, bringing in the plate some very little balls... at this moment, the tourist became suspicious and asked to the waiter why he brought so small balls instead of big balls. Then the waiter looked at him and said to him "well sir, I must tell the truth, the torero does not always win..."
      Last edited by frank1980; 04-18-12, 02:12 PM.


      • #4
        Strange but true...

        Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning, "Windows frozen."

        Husband texts back, "Pour some lukewarm water over it.

        "Wife texts back, "Computer completely stuffed now."
        TC1: May 2001 / Right orchiectomy / seminoma stage 1 / Radiation
        TC2: July 2008 / Left orchiectomy / seminoma stage 1 / X2 Prostheses / Reandron (long term Testosterone injections)


        • #5
          Well my friends, I write here a fact that really happened to me a lot of years ago when I was younger and that could be considered as a thing that can make you laugh or smile. A friend of mine from northern Italy used (and still uses) to come here in the southern Italy where I live to have his summer holidays. He is the owner, here, of a small home where he spends his holidays. In the past, he had a big dog that now unfortunately passed away, belgian shepherd race, who was like sugar with him and his family, but became a tornado with the foreigners and the visitors. One day this friend of mine invited me at his home, so I went there and stopped in front of the gate without entering because the dog was free and was destroying everything that he was finding on the porch. I asked to my friend to come out and, while I was waiting for him, the dog opened the gate with his right paw, and started running towards me barking loudly. My istinct made me run away (a thing that has never to be done when you have a dog in front of you and you are afraid of him) so I ran out but the street was with no exit. So the dog blocked me towards a wall, and put his nose and his mouth right in front of my nuts, growling continuously. I couldn't move because I was afraid that the dog would have reacted, so, for five no-end minutes I was totally blocked with the dog smelling and growling at my pants. Finally the friend of mine come and found me in this situation, he said to me "Ooooohhh Frank what are you doing there with my dog? Look at him, he is a puppy, he is so lovely!". Then, speaking to his dog: "go down Black [this was his dog's name], go down please, you have eaten yet today, come on puppy, come on, sit please, down, down..." then the dog went down. I can assure that, in that moment, when the dog went down, I felt an unstoppable will to kick my friend right in his balls and to say to him "ops mate, I'm sorry, I have eaten yet today..."
          Last edited by frank1980; 04-29-12, 07:25 PM.


          • #6
            Another real fact that happened to me the last day I was into the hospital. I was having a little walk on the hallway and waiting for the doctor to greet him before going to home, when I met a boy who was going to have the surgery on that day. He didn't was too afraid, but, like all of us before going on the operating table, he was nervous. He came towards me and asked to me some more informations about the surgery, and I explained them to him. This was the dialog:

            Me: "you will have an anesthesia and won't feel nothing, so don't be afraid..."
            Him: "yes, but what will they exactly do to me ????"
            Me: "they will extract your testicle, cut a small part of it and send it to the pathologist to analyze it, if there are cancer cells they will unfortunately remove your testicle and probably will put a prothesis inside of you".
            Him: "oh my God, this means that I will lose my ball! But if there is cancer and they will remove it, what they will do with it after ????"
            Me: "don't be afraid man, if there is cancer inside, they will call the cat, will throw your testicle to him, the cat will catch it and will eat it for lunch..."