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Wow. I can't believe it's been one and a half years since I completed 3xBEP. It feels like it was so long ago; yet it feels like it was yesterday.
I've pretty much have moved past the whole cancer thing at this point. I still get a tiny bit of anxiety a few days before my surveillance appointments, but nothing near as bad a that first 15 months. However once I arrive at the hospital the anxiety shoots up until my onco breaks the news (good or bad).
One thing I have noticed is that I cannot tolerate strong chemical smells anymore. During the long weeks of chemo, the strong cleaning chemicals they use at the hospital always may me want to puke. Even now when I walk in those doors the smell hits hard and brings flashbacks of me walking in the infusion suite with all the chemo tubes hanging out of my chest (port) while I dragged that dang device that all the chemo bags hung from. I'll never forget some moments of my chemo experience. For some reason I took pride during chemo because I was fighting it and I had more bags hanging from that device than all the other patients there. Kinda like a boyscout counting all his badges. It still makes me proud that I beat this dang thing !
This was the first time in over two years that my CBC was 100% in the normal range. Not a single flag was raised. Too bad I can't say that for my Proteins and Albumin/Globulin. They are always high on me. At my 15 month checkup they ordered a ton of other tests to rule out Multiple Myeloma. Great; another stupid cancer to worry about. In the end it came back as not Myeloma and maybe not even MGUS. It's possible that I am just built this way (always have high Protiens).....my normal ! Only time will tell. I don't let it worry me anymore.
I've learned to get past all the numbers on surveillance anymore. Worrying donesn't solve anything anyways. It only makes you sick.
My LDH continues to go towards the high end of normal, then drops and goes back up and drops and goes back up......I guess that's just normal too !
Anyone who reads this and is struggling with treatments, surveillance, etc just take my advice: Quit worrying. It doesn't get you anywhere. Go Live life to your fullest. enjoy your family, friends, work, coworkers, and all the other people and experiences that make up this world. Cancer can be beat. The physical part of it is the easiest, the mental is the worst. The sooner you push to get back to normal (your old self, plus a few battle scars) the faster you can get past this disease.
I think I'll hang around this site a good long time to help people who come here. However; I may take breaks away from the site sometimes as too much TC thoughts is not a good thing.
I kinda feel like the old person here in some ways. I mean that I have seen a lot of people who were here when I found the site don't post here much anymore. Kinda like I am a "senior" team member now
Like there is a new generation of TC'ers who have joined up.
Anyways. I just realized I rambled all over the place.....I guess I was just typing exactly what was in my head.
If I can do 18 months....so can you !
- Matt
I've pretty much have moved past the whole cancer thing at this point. I still get a tiny bit of anxiety a few days before my surveillance appointments, but nothing near as bad a that first 15 months. However once I arrive at the hospital the anxiety shoots up until my onco breaks the news (good or bad).
One thing I have noticed is that I cannot tolerate strong chemical smells anymore. During the long weeks of chemo, the strong cleaning chemicals they use at the hospital always may me want to puke. Even now when I walk in those doors the smell hits hard and brings flashbacks of me walking in the infusion suite with all the chemo tubes hanging out of my chest (port) while I dragged that dang device that all the chemo bags hung from. I'll never forget some moments of my chemo experience. For some reason I took pride during chemo because I was fighting it and I had more bags hanging from that device than all the other patients there. Kinda like a boyscout counting all his badges. It still makes me proud that I beat this dang thing !
This was the first time in over two years that my CBC was 100% in the normal range. Not a single flag was raised. Too bad I can't say that for my Proteins and Albumin/Globulin. They are always high on me. At my 15 month checkup they ordered a ton of other tests to rule out Multiple Myeloma. Great; another stupid cancer to worry about. In the end it came back as not Myeloma and maybe not even MGUS. It's possible that I am just built this way (always have high Protiens).....my normal ! Only time will tell. I don't let it worry me anymore.
I've learned to get past all the numbers on surveillance anymore. Worrying donesn't solve anything anyways. It only makes you sick.
My LDH continues to go towards the high end of normal, then drops and goes back up and drops and goes back up......I guess that's just normal too !
Anyone who reads this and is struggling with treatments, surveillance, etc just take my advice: Quit worrying. It doesn't get you anywhere. Go Live life to your fullest. enjoy your family, friends, work, coworkers, and all the other people and experiences that make up this world. Cancer can be beat. The physical part of it is the easiest, the mental is the worst. The sooner you push to get back to normal (your old self, plus a few battle scars) the faster you can get past this disease.
I think I'll hang around this site a good long time to help people who come here. However; I may take breaks away from the site sometimes as too much TC thoughts is not a good thing.
I kinda feel like the old person here in some ways. I mean that I have seen a lot of people who were here when I found the site don't post here much anymore. Kinda like I am a "senior" team member now
Like there is a new generation of TC'ers who have joined up. Anyways. I just realized I rambled all over the place.....I guess I was just typing exactly what was in my head.
If I can do 18 months....so can you !
- Matt
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