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Disconnected From Wife

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  • Disconnected From Wife

    I'm sure I'm not the only one to expierience this, although it feels as such. I was diagnosed two years ago, did 4Xbep, RPLND, orchiectomy, and had a few pulminary emboli for good measure. My wife took disability leave from work to take care of our family (5 year old daughter & 6 mo. old son at the time). When I recovered from my surgery and it was time for her to go back to work something happened. She was under the impression that I was going to be able to provide emotional and physical support to her for her return to work. Something I was in no position to do. It took me a while to figure this out and communicate to her that I was unable to be there for her. She had a hard time accepting this. It felt to me like since she was there for me, I should be there for her. I was'nt even there for myself.
    All this was taking place around the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. I started to think back to where I was the previous year, and how seriously f***ed up I was. To this day I still have not dealt with my "s**t" so to speak. That is, to get out what ever is that is keeping me from being there for my wife. I have no patience, and feel emotionaly void.
    My wife is at the end of her rope, tired of waiting for me to do something to take care of myself so I can help take better care of our family. I don't know what to do.

  • #2
    Just a thought but have you had your testosterone levels checked? I know had little patience with low levels.

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    • #3
      I have not had my testosterone levels checked, but after reading a couple of posts, it sounds like something to consider. I have an appt. in two weeks with my oncologist so I will surely bring it up. Thanks.

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      • #4
        Fully agree with Ryan. T-levels are one thing, but you should get a complete hormone panel. You should ask for a referral to an Endocrinologist that is experienced in male hormone therapy.

        Also, did you know that 75% of cancer patients end up seeking some form of therapy or emotional help to deal with this? Just not everyone talks about it. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not just for guys/gals coming back from combat operations... it's for guys coming back from I/O operation too.
        Best,

        Zsolt


        Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another; "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - C.S Lewis

        “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.” - C.S. Lewis


        Mass found 11/20/08
        Left I/O 11/25/08
        Pathology: Seminoma, Stage 1
        Surveillance: All Clear since

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        • #5
          I totally agree with Aegean. PTSD is just that. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I think anything lift threatening will change anyones perception on life and many other things as well, and things like TC with all of the stuff we go through; I/O, Chemo, RPLND, can really affect us for the rest of our lives chemically and psychologically.

          Best thing to do is to keep doing things that make you happy.
          5/4/2010 - Diagnosed with TC
          5/20/2010 - Right I/O - 1.8cm - no LVI - 70% Seminoma - 30% EC - Less than 1% Teratoma - Stage 1A
          6/7/2010 - RPLND Scheduled. Oncologist requested for second opinion.
          6/15/2010 - Oncologist seen and Chemo not an option for stage 1A.
          7/6/2010 - Right sided template RPLND - Surgeon Dr. Stephenson(Huntsman Cancer Center)
          7/12/2010 - Pathology clean on surveillance.
          11/11/2010 - Clean

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          • #6
            MFB,

            I agree that you should get your T levels checked but it can also be emotional.

            My son was diagnosed with TC in 2008 and then I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2009. I have just began to see a counselor. Cancer is not just physical. It is also emotional. I suggest you ask your wife if she would like to go to counseling or maybe go solo. There's emotional scars if you are the patient as well as if you're the caregiver. Remember, caregivers go "through" cancer to, just in a different way than the patient.

            TC can take a testicle, but don't let it take your marriage.

            Mary Ann
            CaregiverSon Josh 23yr Dx 3/5/08 IIIC NonSeminoma affected lung, kidney liver back & tumor/clots in vena cava & celiac artery 3/7/08 L I/O 3/30/08 PostOp surgery 4XEP (VP16 & Cisplatin) 3/12-5/25 LDH > 5000 & AFP 145 (3/5 pre-op) LDH 563 & AFP 4 (5/26 after 4Xchemo) off blood thinners 3/18/09 Surveillance per Dr E 8/4/08 *1/2012 ALL CLEAR!

            Self 1/29/09 dx thyroid cancer metastasized to right lung 2/10 thyroid removd 4/17 rx RA131 5/11/10 &7/16/10. 1/12survellience

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