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  • Having trouble moving forward.

    Hello all, my name is Carl. I recently discovered this site, this is my 1st post. I'm 55 yrs old, heres my story. My stress/ anxiety is not all TC related, but it's where it began. I first noticed pain in lefty in June 2015, went to doctor 6/24, he thought I might have torsion, sent me to emergency room. There they performed ultrasound, found mass, referred to urologist on 7/1. He told me it was cancer and he would be removing lefty on 7/7. So orchiectomy was successful , I was back to work in 3 weeks, albeit still in considerable pain/ discomfort. 1st CT Scan was clear on the cancer front, but they found asbestos around my right lung, and a lesion on my liver, these things as you can imagine still bring great distress. Mom passed away in October 2015, my wife of 10 yrs left me in October 2016, said I seemed angry / distant the last year and a half. Now it's been nearly 2 yrs since surgery, no chemo or radiation necessary, but I've reached a point where I'm having trouble staying focused on anything, can't stop reliving / thinking about all the overwhelming moments that I've experienced in the last 2 yrs. My emotions are all out of whack, I cry frequently, sometimes uncontrollably. I can't do my job properly. I'm becoming withdrawn, don't like leaving my house. My confidence is gone. When I was diagnosed doc never mentioned I might experience some of these feelings a year and a half later, but I can't be the only one can I? Could this be effects of low T? Am I going crazy? I need help.

  • #2
    Hi Carl, I am in the same age group. I am a TC Mum. When I saw the title of your post I read it instantly as I can relate to that. We all react differently to the cancer trial. My advise to you is to allow yourself to feel what you feel. It is OK to be stressed and overwhelmed. Try to do what you enjoy doing. Try to get help from your friends and family. Try to avoid negative people and negative experiences. Try to keep your job.... stay in touch.

    Comment


    • #3
      HI Carl

      All of us here, currently undergoing treatment, those who've become survivors or for the storied few, 2x survivors all have this trouble. But, everyone has a unique situation, I empathize with you, I've had trouble opening up to family members about my condition and missed easter, my own mother's 20-year memorial service ( died of breast cancer ) and my grandmother's one-year memorial service. I started going to psychotherapy every other week and it is very very helpful. Recently, I also attended my first support group at the hospital I am getting treated at. My last chemo infusion was yesterday 5/23/2017 and I feel great about that. I think you should try some of the support groups. The hospital at which you had your orchy done will have a listing of different groups at varying times during the week. If you're in the Boston area I welcome you to come to Boston Medical Center and try some groups there. Going to a support group was a very eye-opening experience for me. I thought I had it bad, no, I met a gentleman who beat skin cancer, then beat lung cancer only to get lung cancer again and prostate cancer at the same time. He is still fighting and continues to fight. He is blind and has had so much chemo his veins won't accept any more. But he fights on with immunotherapy. He comes to the support groups frequently and I was very thankful he was there because he really helped put my own life in perspective.

      If you have insurance I highly recommend going to see a psychotherapist and if possible, one that specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder. All of us have lost a testicle, part of what makes us men, that is very stressful and scary. Like you said, "My emotions are all out of whack". For a while, I felt like I was less of a man, but this isn't true, it's part of how we deal trauma, we think the worst. This will eventually pass, finding a therapist will really help you sort out your thoughts so you can do what's best for you. They can also refer you to a psychiatrist who, if necessary can diagnose and treat depression or attention deficit disorders with medication, if you so chose. I can tell you that I take Adderall and it really helps with focus and accomplishing tasks by staying on task! If you think you might be having an issue with your testosterone make an appointment with the Urologist who did your orchy and ask him to do some blood work to check your levels. If it is low, they can supplement you with monthly injections or the Androgel.

      I hope this helps in some way, please feel free to private message me if you want to talk. I feel like you need someone to bounce your thoughts off of. By the way, I had my lefty removed too!

      Best,
      Daniel

      Comment


      • #4
        CARL~ so sorry, and you are NOT alone. Delayed response is common. I know several TC survivors that have written articles about it, Steve Pake in particular. I know he has a website, and his writing is fantastic. Again, you are not alone!!!
        Son Grant
        dx 12/21/16 at age 17

        BEP x3
        Post Chemo CT Scan on 3/28/17 still showed a few nodes over 2 cm
        2nd Post Chemo CT Scan on 4/27/17 showed all nodes still over 2cm
        Post Chemo RPLND 5/8/17: Periaortic Teratoma, Intraaorticaval Teratoma, and Paracaval Teratoma found.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you Joesmum, Daniel Eye, and Trekga. Your feedback means EVERYTHING to me. My father is 83, and had a stroke last month. He is doing well, but I don't want to burden him with my "silly little problem". Also I'm a construction electrician and it's difficult to share this with my coworkers. I have been reading many posts on this site, including Steve Pakes thread, these have been very uplifting for me(between tears, very powerful). I've made an appt. with my doc to find a course to move forward. It's so hard to not be in control of my emotions. Example; Today I had to drive 120 miles to a job we completed to replace 1 damaged ceiling tile . On the way up I experienced mild anxiety, completed task, felt better,began driving home. About an hour in I'm thinking, wow, I feel very relaxed, haven't felt this calm in a while, driving is soothing. Then I got a message from the boss asking me to swing by another job to repair some lighting. Anxiety instantly ramped up to full speed. I began to shake and sweat and was very upset. This is what I've done for a living for 30 years, no sweat, why suddenly is it freaking me out? I called the boss and told him I couldn't do it, luckily he is very supportive of my situation. So I still have a job, but I'm afraid I won't for long if I don't "Man Up", but manning up only makes it worse, it seems I must embrace the new outpouring of emotions.#spiralingnonstop

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey man, it's tough, no question about it... Have you tried going to a psychologist or counselling? Also, doing something new to take your mind off things, something you care about like volunteering for a cause or picking up a new hobby or personal project can help too, that's what is helping me...
            July 2016 - Left I/O
            December 2016 - BEPx3
            All clear for 1 year!

            My Testicular Cancer Support Kit
            First Oncologist Visit Checklist
            Simplify Cancer Podcast

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks for your reply JoeTheAstronaut. Yes I have an appointment Friday with my personal physician to discuss a direction to take. Funny you mention a new hobby. I've been a guitar player for many years, but arthritis and tendonitis don't let me play as long as I used to, so I recently bought a DIY guitar kit. I'm building a Fender Telecaster. I'm not very good at it, but it keeps My mind busy.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Carl, sounds like you are getting this under control mate! Playing guitar is fantastic. Let us know what the doc suggests. In regards to having emotional swings when previously you were OK, this is what post TC is about... things that were easy and no problem before, now get stressful. We are here to support you. I understand that face to face support groups are much better, but we are here as your virtual support group, and I know from my TC-Mum experience that this is very important....

                Comment


                • #9
                  Good on you, Cwink! Guitar building is a whole new world I would imagine, with lots of ideas and people to meet... Enjoy! Shame about arthritis and all, can you still play a bit?
                  July 2016 - Left I/O
                  December 2016 - BEPx3
                  All clear for 1 year!

                  My Testicular Cancer Support Kit
                  First Oncologist Visit Checklist
                  Simplify Cancer Podcast

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Carl,

                    I am 40 yrs old married for now father of 4 boys ages 11 - 5. I started a tC bout in aug. 2012, IO, Chemo, good for awhile, PC-RPLND, Ascites complication ~12wks, good for awhile, intense surviellance for suspected recurrence (turned out to be nothing).

                    at any rate evertime I felt I could take a deep breath the monkey was back. I had a period of time where I would get very anxious / angry / frustrated by situations, things, tasks, outside of my control, It helped to talk about it with a therapist, for me it helped to acknowledge that my situation had resulted in PTSD triggers. ultimately, awareness, tools for dealing with, and stability of my health have improved the situation. Through help I was able to adapt.

                    Today I still have big uncertainty in my life, not so much health at moment, but marriage, not really sure if we will make it our not, but even this uncertainty I can deal with and live healthy through.

                    Not saying that your situation is same as mine, but seeking help can be very productive, for me it was a lot about establishing context and understanding triggers.

                    Best Wishes,

                    ​Ross

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks all. Your support is priceless. This morning I had an appt with my personal physician at 9:40 am. At 9:00 am his office called me to tell me he called in sick. New appt is Tuesday at 1:50. F*******CK!!!!!! I was hoping for some assurance before the holiday weekend.#icandothisicandothisicandothis

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi Carl,​Tuesday is only 2 days away. Yes you can do this. You have survived without a doc for a while now. see if you can go for a walk and get busy with your new guitar. Look on the positives - you don't have TC at the moment, and keep us posed.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          In addition to therapy, get your T levels checked, some of these problems may be due to low testosterone.You may have to insist that your doc order the test.

                          Dave
                          Last edited by Davepet; 06-09-17, 04:33 PM.
                          Jan, 1975: Right I/O, followed by RPLND
                          Dec, 2009: Left I/O, followed by 3xBEP

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Good luck, hope it went well for you!!
                            July 2016 - Left I/O
                            December 2016 - BEPx3
                            All clear for 1 year!

                            My Testicular Cancer Support Kit
                            First Oncologist Visit Checklist
                            Simplify Cancer Podcast

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hey Carl, how did your doctor visit go? how are you feeling?

                              Comment

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