Our Journey

**Chaps6** · 03-17-12, 12:53 AM

Hello to all,

I have posted in other sections, but I think "caregivers" is the spot for me.

Well, my husband has just finished his first full week. He really hasn't had any side effects besides slight nausea and fatigue. He was retaining quite a bit of fluid which they said was raising his blood pressure so they had to give him a diuretic and it did the job. He doesn't like the idea of the port a cath so he has had an IV in all week, so now that it's out he is enjoying a long shower and I am catching up on american idol and biggest loser..We know for many the side effects are delayed, but for right now we are enjoying a nice quiet friday night. I'm trying not to worry about anything but he goes in for blood work on Monday and then to speak with Dr.Bryson. Is that normal? I thought blood work was done after the first cycle, not the first week?

**hbr777** · 03-17-12, 05:36 AM

Hi Debrah,

I am happy for you both that his side effects are minimal! The think the first round of chemo is the worst in terms of sheer terror and not knowing what to expect - I speak from the caregiver perspective. For my husband the Friday of the last day of week one of each cycle and the weekend were the worst in terms of side effects and by the next Tuesday he was o the upswing.

As for the blood work, I would think it would be too early to do tumor markers, but maybe they are doing bloodwork to make sure his kidney function is good, and he is not overly dehydrated. Along with checking his blood counts.

Hang in there - and I hope the weekend goes well.

**Chaps6** · 03-18-12, 09:17 AM

So last night he started developing a head cold. He has a slight cough/phlegm and is starting to get stuffed up. We've been taking his temp like every 2 hours through the night (maybe cause I'm a worrier) but just to be safe. He's temp has remained normal. Is this something that we should call the DR about, or just keep an eye on? Can/should he take medication for this?

**hbr777** · 03-18-12, 09:52 AM

Usually they tell you to call if there is a temp as it indicates some sort of infection. I would call, just to ask what he should take, if anything. If in doubt, call. They actually got peeved when we didn't and there was an issue.

I hope he feels better soon!

**val** · 03-18-12, 11:10 AM

Hi

Sorry about the head cold. John when he was going.through his treatment had a continuous runny nose. It good sign there is no high temp but as Heidi said probably good idea to check with hospital. Hope he feels better soon and good luck with rest of treatment.

One week down is great.

**Chaps6** · 03-21-12, 12:20 PM

So the weekend was long and rough. Cory did end up with a sinus infection. His temp reached 100.5 so we called the Dr.Bryson and since he wasn't experiencing cold sweats or anything doc thought that we caught it early enough so he called in an oral antibiotic. It seems to be doing the trick. On Monday we went in for bloodwork. Blood counts and liver all look good. Yay for little victories!!Tumor markers weren't in yet so we did not get those but I know they have to be in by now. I'm so tempted to call. But either way everything looked good on Monday so he was able to get Bleo yesterday and now this morning he is really sore. He's not sure if it's from Bleo or from the fact that he's been in bed so much fighting this infection.. Well, only one more bleo and the first cycle is over.

**CancerSux** · 03-21-12, 01:28 PM

Debrah,

Ugh, I am sorry to hear that Cory ended up with an infection!

'Cause chemo isn't bad enough, right? Poor guy. Hopefully the antibiotics will take care of it.

Kel had mixed reactions with the bleo - some days it knocked him out for the count, and other days were fine. Hopefully Cory will fare more towards the latter.

And definitely a YEAH for little victories! Sometimes you have to celebrate whenever and wherever you can. Let us know how the #s look.

Thinking of you,
T

**Wesmom** · 03-22-12, 07:32 PM

I hope your husband feels better soon. Let us know how the next cycles and blood work go. Take Care.

**Chaps6** · 03-28-12, 07:08 PM

Cory has officially finished his first cycle...And, the first round of blood work has come back and is looking good. His hcg has gone from 8100 down to 5200..

Yay!!! And that was just after the first full week and not including the 2 Bleo Tuesdays. Last night he was pretty much wiped out but he is up and around now and starting to feel "normal"-ish. He did start to notice some hair falling out though. It's not really in a patchy way but more in a thinning way. But oh well, it's just hair right?.. Good news is he has not had to shave his face in a while

Our new family motto for the week. CELEBRATE THE LITTLE VICTORIES!!!!!!!

**hbr777** · 03-29-12, 06:59 AM

Excellent news, and I am happy he is weathering it very well. The hair loss seems to be around day 20 or so. Lots of men shave it so that it isn't as traumatic when it goes.

I agree with you - it is indeed about celebrating the little victories.

**Chaps6** · 04-02-12, 08:03 PM

Well we started round 2 with good and bad news.. I'll start with the bad, Dr.Bryson told us this morning that he will need to complete 4 rounds instead of 3. We would both rather kick this to the curb now instead of dealing with a recurrence but its never easy to hear that theyre adding a cycle..Cory was ok with it but pretty bummed. I feel bad because I wasn't there with him when he found out and he doesn't always take this kind of news very well. He always looks over to me so I can tell him it's going to be okay. It is spring break for our household so all the kids are home so I wasn't there

also found out that his white count is low. Doc said if it drops anymore then he will get nuepogen (sp?). Doc also told him to stay clear of sick people. So I guess it doesn't help that our 10month old is sick.

Now for the good news. After the first full week Cory's Hcg was 5200, we just got the results from after only 1 bleo Tuesday and it was 957!! Yay for the horrible and fantastically powerful drug called bleo!! Can't wait till we get the results from today's bloodwork since that will be results from 1 full cycle..

**CancerSux** · 04-02-12, 10:03 PM

Debrah,

First, YAHOO for the hCG! That is great!

As for the # of cycles - really unless there was clinical and radiological evidence of remission while in the second cycle, there should have not been any lowering of the # of cycles. You want to kick this to the curb as fast and hard as you can, and then kill it a little more. And with Cory being IIIc at diagnosis (I believe, right?) 4xBEP is the prescribed chemo. The doc really should not have gotten your hopes up for 3 cycles.

Sorry about that part.

T

**Chaps6** · 04-03-12, 09:47 PM

Originally Posted by CancerSux

Debrah,

First, YAHOO for the hCG! That is great!

As for the # of cycles - really unless there was clinical and radiological evidence of remission while in the second cycle, there should have not been any lowering of the # of cycles. You want to kick this to the curb as fast and hard as you can, and then kill it a little more. And with Cory being IIIc at diagnosis (I believe, right?) 4xBEP is the prescribed chemo. The doc really should not have gotten your hopes up for 3 cycles.

Sorry about that part.

T

@tracy, the doc never talked about reducing the number of cycles. 3 cycles was the original amount As he originally staged him at a IIc.He said he reviewed the staging and the numbers post surgery and is now saying that Cory is stage IIIb. He then said that at stage III 4 cycles is just what you do. Kinda stinks to not get this info from the beginning, but we find peace in the fact that the doc was reviewing everything and basically double checking his own work and adjusting tx accordingly.. I'm relieved. From what I see on here, others with similar dx were all receiving 4..So I feel confident that this is what he needs.. Maybe he'll consider the port now..

**Chaps6** · 04-07-12, 12:08 AM

Cory has just finished his 5th day of round 2.. A few side effects are in the making. The biggest side effect is by far fatigue. He just gets so tired, and then of course at night he can't sleep. Which then just contributes to the next days fatigue... Tonight is the first night he is going to be taking a sleep aid, so hopefully he can get a good night sleep. His WBC is getting low..Time to stay away from sick people. If it gets any lower, then he will get nuepogen (sp?). He is also starting to loose some taste buds. Food hasn't started tasting metallic yet but just has a very bland taste, bummer...

But onto the good stuff, He did get the results from his blood work that was taken on Monday (which is result from the first full cycle) and his HCG level has dropped to <200...WooHoo!!! He doesn't know the exact number (must be because I wasn't there to write it down

). But he says he thinks he said 190 (or something)..So let's just say <200..Either way it is Great news and we are just going to take it and enjoy our Easter weekend..

**dc67** · 04-07-12, 06:07 PM

Great news!! Tell cory we are all thinking about him.

**Chaps6** · 04-16-12, 11:51 PM

I have not posted lately so I thought I would post a quick update. Cory is getting ready for his last Bleo Tuesday of round 2. Almost half way done..Fatigue, nausea, and what looks like the beginning of a mouth sore are his current side effects. But overall, as well as can be expected..He shaved his head about 3 weeks ago and I am already used to it..I actually kind of like it

So at the end of cycle 1 his hcg was at 176, which was totally exciting, so I thought that since he has had a full week and a bleo tuesday since then that I would have him take a pregnancy test..I know, I know, not very reliable but I couldn't resist..It came out negative

, so I am convinced that his hcg is less than 50..Guess I will have to wait until tomorrow.. (BTW, my husband officially thinks I'm crazy now)

**CancerSux** · 04-17-12, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

... have him take a pregnancy test..I know, I know, not very reliable but I couldn't resist..It came out negative

... (BTW, my husband officially thinks I'm crazy now)

Not crazy - creative!!!

Glad to hear that it is mostly going well, that s/e are still manageable and that hCG is (apparently) plummeting. All great news Debrah!

**Chaps6** · 04-24-12, 07:04 PM

Today is day 2 of round 3. Over the last week or so we have noticed that he just hasn't "bounced back" after treatments the way he did before, so he is definitely starting to feel the full effects. WBC is pretty low and I'm not sure why he's not getting nuepogen. I'm kinda frustrated by it. We have 4 kids and I work in the schools so he is exposed to everything possible (sigh).. Last week we thought that he was developing a mouth sore but he wasn't, so we are thankful for that. He still does not have a port and isn't really regretting the decision but did say he is tired of being poked. just 6 more weeks right!?!

Now the exciting news.. HCG came back from the end of cycle 2 and it was down to 13!!!!! Woohoo!!

**DianeE** · 04-24-12, 08:44 PM

Hi Debrah,

You hang in there!!

The chemo, blasted poison that it is, is doing the job! A little over
halfway through the treatment and the HCG has gone from 8100
down to 13!! I haven't done the math, but it seems to be ahead of
the expected weekly half life drop.

Four boys and a husband! You're in line for Sainthood, I'm sure!

I was so worried about my son and germs when he went through chemo because
he had a toddler and an infant. My dtr in law kept Lysol wipes and liquid
hand sanitizer in every room of the house and I think my son used one of the
bathrooms exclusively, but honestly, I don't remember if that was for him
or the rest of them.

No surprise that Cory hasn't bounced back like he did after the first round.
The third and fourth rounds will be tough, but he will get through them. Just keep
him hydrated, make sure he takes his meds and let him eat whatever appeals
to him. Any kind of calories is better than none. Even a can of Ensure will
get some nutrition in him. And don't be afraid to tell the chemo nurses and
his oncologist about anything that seems out of the norm.

You're doing a great job as a caregiver! It will be done before you know it
and he will be back to himself. When he gets there, make sure you
take a break for yourself!

And by the way, my son was also scheduled for a vasectomy prior to his diagnosis.
He had an RPLND and two rounds of chemo and still needed the
vasectomy. Keep that on the back burner!!

Diane

**hbr777** · 04-25-12, 09:06 AM

Excellent news on the HCG- the chemo is killing that cancer. And while the third and fourth rounds might be rough, there is light at the end of the tunnel - a cancer-free light.

Hang in there. We're here for you!

**River Blue** · 04-25-12, 02:43 PM

Debrah, you have four kids, a job, and are taking care of your husband....you are a rockstar! I feel like I am spread thin just from working full-time, taking care of my boyfriend, and keeping his family informed via email. I think you are my hero.

I totally agree with celebrating every little victory. That's what keep's me going! Hopefully your husband feeds off your positive energy.

Lots of prayers for you both!

**Chaps6** · 04-29-12, 12:34 PM

So this is the weekend following the full week of cycle 3, and nausea is at an all time high.He was taking zofran, which seemed to do the trick before, but is now ineffective. We called the doc and he recommended double the dosage, and maybe taking up to 3 at one time if necessary. Cory did it immediately and it did nothing. So we called doc back, he called in dexamethasone (sp?) and Ativan.Those seemed to do the trick well enough. Hopefully today he will have a better day. It is so hard to see him feeling so cruddy. He is staying very well hydrated and I believe that it has helped keep other side effects from surfacing..Just this darn nausea..But he is in his 3rd cycle and I guess it's to be expected...p.s.(We have a wonderful doctor. Taking all his own calls, even on the weekends, even while he's at a conference, even while he's dancing with his wife, now that's dedication).

So now that we are a little more than half way through, my focus is starting to shift to RPLND. I know it's not for certain yet, but he had teratoma in the primary, so it's looking that way. My question(s) to all you way more knowledgeable people is this. 1.) Can the RPLND and a surgery for the neck lymph node be done at the same time? Or is it a separate procedure? I do realize the difference anatomically, but wasn't sure if it's something that can be done while he is under anesthesia and eliminating another procedure..2.) We are in California and are wondering if any of you know of, or had personal experience of a specialist in California? I have found a few, one in San Francisco and one in the LA area. I am all for going wherever needed, even if it's outside of California, (ex. Indiana) but I figured I would start my search local. Our Urologist and Oncologist have both said they have one they would highly recommend in California, but we would cross that bridge when we get there. But my mind doesn't let me wait for that bridge...So I turn to you guys..

**Chaps6** · 04-30-12, 10:59 PM

Ugh, It's so hard seeing Cory feel so cruddy. I hate that every little thing that happens to him we are looking it up to see if it's something to be concerned about!! Like tonight, his temp was low so we were concerned..It's passed and now it's back to normal, but geesh..I'm 31, and I'm convinced I'm going to be gray by the end of this 4xBEP!!

**CancerSux** · 04-30-12, 11:44 PM

So sorry to hear Debrah!

The BEP roller coaster is not fun, some suffer more than others, and there seem to be a number of members/caregivers seeing bad reactions!

How low did Cory's temp go?

**Chaps6** · 05-01-12, 12:22 AM

@tracy It was 96.5.. Not sure if that's considered too low. I did not find too much on having a low temp.. He just feels cruddy. Not too many side effects excepts nausea and fatigue, but they are in over drive right now!! Do you happen to know of any specialist for RPLND in California?

**CancerSux** · 05-01-12, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

Do you happen to know of any specialist for RPLND in California?

I don't, but I only know the big ones (NYC, Indy, and Nichols in the upper NW). Where in Cali are you - SoCal? or North?

**hbr777** · 05-01-12, 09:42 AM

Hi Tracy -

I think Nichols is an oncologist and not a surgeon?

**CancerSux** · 05-01-12, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by hbr777

I think Nichols is an oncologist and not a surgeon?

Heidi, you are right, but he should know of experts in the area, I think.

**Chaps6** · 05-01-12, 12:12 PM

We are in the central valley Close to Fresno. But would travel anywhere. I did find Nichols on the TCRC website. He is based in Seattle. There's a carrol that shows up On that website as well and he's located in San Francisco.. I don't care where we have to go. I just thought I would start local. I'm not sure if the neck lymph node is going to be a special thing. I do not find much on it. Only listed for staging purposes

**Ny01** · 05-01-12, 01:03 PM

Deborah,

I'm in Los Angeles and on this site one of the top two docs for TC here in Los Angeles at USC seems to specialize in the RPLND surgery. Here is a link to the top doc list and if you click on the USC docs name it will show you his bio and specialities. http://tcrc.acor.org/experts.html#la Best of luck to you!

Rob

**Chaps6** · 05-13-12, 12:50 PM

Today is Mother's Day and Cory is feeling pretty well (all things considered) after round 3. He has nausea, which seems to be a constant, and he now has insomnia, but the acid reflux has subsided, so all in all he is having a decent weekend.

So here comes round 4..Blood work tomorrow..These will be the round 3 results and I am praying for normal markers so that this next round can focus on attacking all those potential micro mets...

My internal chant, "3 more weeks, 3 more weeks, 3 more weeks"..

**Chaps6** · 05-15-12, 07:05 PM

Cory has just finished round 4-day 2 and we are still waiting for the blood work. These will be the results from round 3 so we are very anxious..The doc followed up today and was told the lab was backed up 3 days..uhg.. don't they know that for every day that passes without the results I sprout a gray hair!?!

**CancerSux** · 05-15-12, 10:47 PM

There was one stage when Kel was going through therapy where the lab lost his blood - no results (not backed up, NO record) ... this was after the first salvage cycle, and the #s were important for deciding what to do - I swear I got a ton of grays then too! My father called it a vampire tea party ...

**socalfiremedic** · 05-16-12, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

Cory has just finished round 4-day 2 and we are still waiting for the blood work. These will be the results from round 3 so we are very anxious..The doc followed up today and was told the lab was backed up 3 days..uhg.. don't they know that for every day that passes without the results I sprout a gray hair!?!

I'm sure everything will be fine with his blood

How has his nausea been? Round 4 (for me) was by far the toughest as far as nausea goes. Nothing touched my nausea at all: Zofran, Compazine, Reglan, IV Aloxi, natural supplements, etc. None of it worked! I went to extreme measures and I thank God I did.. tell him to get his card so he can try some medicinal marijuana. I was never an advocate of that law before cancer, but I swear this was the only thing that helped with my nausea. It worked instantly.

-Justin

**Les' Mom** · 05-16-12, 02:29 PM

Debrah...

I understand your worries. I had the same ones with my son. They did a RPNLD and Liver dissection at the same time. Not sure about a neck surgery at the same time. You cold contact Dr. Einhorn at IU to get a recommendation about a surgeron in Calfornia. The best would be to get to a center where they do the surgery lots. IU or Sloan in NY.

The third treatment was the hardest for Les. He almost refused. But after he made it through 3, the last one was an ending for him.

I also understand fears of germs from school. I teach 1st grade and they are little germ factories. I am sure they will give your husband neupogen when his counts get to low. There is a fine line between killing everything out (good and bad) and getting to low.

You have the right to stay on top of his counts. I called when they didnt call me back. Sometimes I think they forget that all we have to hold on to are the counts and if they are going up or down.

I always told my son that he was still pregnant, so we could put a spin on the news about blood counts.

I will add you and your family to my prayer list. Tell your husband to KEEP fighting and there are now people around the world praying for him and his familiy.

Love,
Pam

**Chaps6** · 05-17-12, 06:21 PM

Lab results from round 3 are back.. HCG is down to 6.. I don't quite understand half life but I am assuming it goes down by half. But is that half every week or by every cycle? I'm just concerned. I was expecting it to be in the normal range.. I know as long as it's going down than that's good. I was just hoping that round 4 could be an "extra" and work on all the micro mets.. maybe I had my hopes up too high..Should I be concerned by this number if it's not following the normal half life?

**socalfiremedic** · 05-17-12, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

Lab results from round 3 are back.. HCG is down to 6.. I don't quite understand half life but I am assuming it goes down by half. But is that half every week or by every cycle? The serum half life of beta hCG is 24 to 36 hours, which implies that elevated concentrations should return to normal within 5 to 7.5 days after surgery if all tumor is removed (in this case, whatever cancer is left inside your husband)
I'm just concerned. I was expecting it to be in the normal range.. I know as long as it's going down than that's good. I was just hoping that round 4 could be an "extra" and work on all the micro mets.. maybe I had my hopes up too high..Should I be concerned by this number if it's not following the normal half life?

This final round will knock it down to normal range! To simplify the half life thing, it doesn't have anything to do with his HCG number decreasing by half. It's more of a tool used to measure when someone can expect results. He's so close!

**CancerSux** · 05-17-12, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by socalfiremedic

To simplify the half life thing, it doesn't have anything to do with his HCG number decreasing by half.

Just to clarify on this point, it is actually exactly that the #'s will divide in half, but not necessarily that they will bottom out at 0. Let's say Cory's 'normal' hCG is 5, and that he started out at a level of 15 ... the 1/2 life would be 1/2-ing the distance between 15 and 5 - so one half life would bring it down to 10, then 7.5, then 6.25, etc. The common miscalculation is trying to get any of these #s to 0.

For hCG the 1/2-life is normally ~3 days, so you would expect the # to decrease steadily every 3 days, but it will slow down as it gets closer to 'normal'. 6 vs 4 for the value is close, and it might be as low as he gets (somewhere right around there). There are also a # of variables that will elevate hCG, like marijuana and some other meds. The important thing here is that there has been a steady decline, that it stays down around the normal range and doesn't increase.

When is the next CT scan scheduled? After round 4?

T

p.s. total aside for Justin - love the new pic in your signature of you and your wife on the swing - so sweet!

**hbr777** · 05-17-12, 07:30 PM

Marker normalization slows as you get closer to normal. This last round should normalize his markers. Hang in there!

**Chaps6** · 05-17-12, 07:41 PM

Thanks for explaining the half life. I know he may never get to 0 but I was hoping for <2. He definitely doesn't have any marijuana in his system so that would not be "skewing" his numbers.. The closer we get to the end the more I am finding myself increasingly nervous about stuff..

**hbr777** · 05-17-12, 07:56 PM

Marijuana and low testosterone can skew the numbers higher. The last hour of the last chemo treatment we got my husband's test results. b-Hcg had been normal since the end of round 1 - and it shot up. We were devastated. It turned out to be a lab error.

Your husband's numbers are going the right way. You will get there. I no it is nerve wracking. But you will get there.

**socalfiremedic** · 05-17-12, 09:37 PM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

Thanks for explaining the half life. I know he may never get to 0 but I was hoping for <2. He definitely doesn't have any marijuana in his system so that would not be "skewing" his numbers.. The closer we get to the end the more I am finding myself increasingly nervous about stuff..

I'm willing to bet his bleo this week knocked his hcg down to normal

**Chaps6** · 05-17-12, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by socalfiremedic

I'm willing to bet his bleo this week knocked his hcg down to normal

I hope so!! How are you feeling BTW? It's been a little over a week with no treatments..Do you feel yourself becoming stronger everyday?? What about nausea and stuff?? I'm am so ready for Cory to be off of the steroids they give him..Not sure if it's common, but he is not always the most pleasant to deal with

But I know it's not his fault...

**socalfiremedic** · 05-18-12, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

I hope so!! How are you feeling BTW? It's been a little over a week with no treatments..Do you feel yourself becoming stronger everyday?? What about nausea and stuff?? I'm am so ready for Cory to be off of the steroids they give him..Not sure if it's common, but he is not always the most pleasant to deal with

But I know it's not his fault...

I'm feeling better everyday.. Starting to exercise everyday. My biggest fear is going back to work, and I'm on my first big fire and I just can't do it because I'm too weak or something

But I truly feel like if I had to go back to work tomorrow, I'd be able to do it. I'm still going to see what my doctor wants me to do in regards of how much time he wants me to be off from work. I feel like I'm "back to normal" already.. hair is starting to grow back, my eyes don't look all sucked in anymore, etc. etc. The nausea, thank God is all gone.

I wasn't the most pleasant to deal with either, I admit. And actually, "roid rage" is actually fairly common. My wife and I probably got into the biggest fights and screaming matches in our entire relationship while I was doing chemo. With her being preggo and all her hormones flowing and me just feeling like sh*t is not a good combination! But it gets better. For me, much of it was my fault. Due to me feeling horrible for days on end, I'd take it out on the person closest to me, which always ended up being her.

I'm sure you both will get through this with flying colors and this will all just be a minor speed bump in your life =)

P.S. This is the last day, right?!

-Justin

**CancerSux** · 05-18-12, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by Chaps6

Not sure if it's common, but he is not always the most pleasant to deal with

But I know it's not his fault...

It is common - from the steroids, the likely low T, and anger at the whole situation of cancer sucking ... It was difficult for me to just let Kel vent, but I tried hard. Fun fact - that all doesn't end when chemo does - that seemingly unfounded or extreme anger still rears its ugly head from time to time. I just try to bite my tongue, but I am not as good at that as I was a year ago.

**Chaps6** · 05-20-12, 02:58 AM

@Tracy, I am not good at biting my tongue either (usually) but I have been on my best behavior during this time. Well, Cory knows how out spoken I am so when I try to bite my tongue he calls me "cocky", then when I try to explain to him that I don't know what to say and I'm not going to feed into this stupid fight, he then says "oh no, you're not going to turn this around on me"....ugh, just can't win..

On a side note, Cory was driving home from a doctors appt on friday afternoon and rear ended someone..Did a lot of damage to our Brand New car, and only minimal damage to the other car. He says she stopped in the middle of the road..I think it's questionable because I have been in the car with him lately and I know his reaction time/judgement is a bit decreased. Who knows, either way it happened. So now we have to call insurance on Monday to find out what the hell we are going to do with that....And tomorrow, we are off to get new tires on our Tahoe since we had a flat on tuesday when Cory walked out of his appt. Since this was his full week, and he doesn't have a port, he keeps his IV in during the week, so he was in no condition to worry about the tire..

I hope he likes older women, cause this wife is sure aging!!

**cbvance** · 05-20-12, 05:14 AM

Sorry to hear about the accident , who the hell needs that in the middle of everything else you are going through. Sometimes life can sure be a *****. You have a difficult job too being the caregiver, I know there have been times over the past few months when I have snapped at my wife for no good reason just from the stress of it all. Especially during the waiting time when I didn't know what type TC I had or if it had spread. It meant a lot to me just to know she was there for me no matter what and I am certain your guy feels the same way.

Prayers to you guys to stand strong in the face of adversity you will come out on the other side stronger. God Bless.

**socalfiremedic** · 05-20-12, 12:34 PM

Sorry.. it seems like your luck is down

You have any friends or neighbors that could fix that tire? I would do it of you lived closer! It will all work out.

Also with you guys' fights, I promise it's just the meds and the way he's feeling! Don't take anything to heart during this time. If my wife would have taken anything I said to her during chemo to heart, I'd no longer have a wife

She also noticed my driving was freaking HORRIBLE when I was doing chemo. She said I was slow to react and just scary to be driving. I've gotten better since, but it's got to be a chemo thing.

If I could suggest something, try taking a mini vacay by yourself/with some girlfriends for a day or two max when he's feeling better.. You need it and it will recharge you mental and physical batteries.. my wife did that during my 3rd round for two days and came back re-energized and ready to continiue taking care of me lol.

Here is a link to a song that I listen to almost daily ever since I was diagnosed with cancer. Probably the most beautiful song I've ever heard, and made my wife cry the first time she heard. Gave her hope

http://youtu.be/VBDLAZFLfIM

Phil Wickham- Divine Romance

**CancerSux** · 05-20-12, 10:15 PM

Debrah,

Honestly, vent whenever, however, and whatever you need. We understand. While we each have different experiences, collectively we have all been through something similar.

Re the anger/fluctuating emotions ... Kel did ok through his BEP/EP ... there was definitely an increase in moments of anger and fear, but mainly ok. He heard the high cure rates and just focused on that. But when we had his post BEP/EP appointment and learned that his AFP stopped decreasing (and that they were immediately increasing), that all changed - his confidence in surviving was gone, the fear was amplified, and oh boy did the emotions swing. Then the salvage chemo didn't work, and then it got really bad with the fear ... by the time he was post-RPLND and on surveillance, we were back to major anger swings and nothing I could say helped. In the moment he would get upset and angry at anything I said, or didn't say to help, but he did later realize that his emotions were out of whack, and as he would call it 'inappropriate for the situation'. Fun days!

It DOES get better with more time away from it all (oh, boy, yet another thing that only time will help - can't you get some relief NOW!?). Justin's suggestion of time to yourself/off is a good one, even if only for a few hours.

OMGosh on the car rear-ending!! And the flat tire! (I am assuming on another car?) After the flu epidemic in your house, enough troubles with chemo, can't something go right for a change?! Geez.

I am so sorry. Sometimes screaming at the world won't change the events happening, but will make you feel better ... just a suggestion. Scream away!

**AustinsMom** · 05-21-12, 12:05 AM

Hi Debrah,

I must say, in following your story, I am AMAZED at your ability to juggle four boys, a job outside the home and all the "stuff" going on with your husband. Honestly, you seem to have a great sense of humor, which is going to have a great impact on you making it through these fun times without having to run out to the store for a box of "Preference, by L'Oreal" !! I'm sure Cory appreciates you more than you realize right now. I know there are times when I feel like I am going to just lose it and I think everyone here can relate to what you are experiencing in their own way.

If it makes you feel any better, the accident Cory had sounds exactly like something MY husband did with my new SUV. Even though he's still denying he knows anything about the scratch running the length of the car, it's the exact same color as the concrete supports in the hospital parking garage. Coincidence....I think NOT!! I told him I'm going to go ask the parking attendants if I can look at the security tapes!!

And ..... he is NOT even the one going through chemo!! I know these things are a total royal P.I.T.A., but hopefully a year from now it's something you'll be able to laugh about......along with your gray hair!!

I think all the caregivers on this sight need to unite and insist on being treated to something a little special .....you know, like maybe a Caribbean Cruise.... or a trip to
Hawaii....heck, even a luxurious spa in someplace like Sedona. We need to band together and plan something fun!!

Hope this week is better for you!
Diane