1 Year Follow Up Next Week - Still Can't Shake It

[JMS]

Figured I should post instead of just reading about everyone else, like I have been for the last year. One year follow up is in a week. It wasn't really on my radar, but now it feels like I'm wearing a lead vest.

My experience was about as positive as it can be. I found it early, got in and out quickly, received a stage I diagnosis and after basically a really bad month, I was back to regular life. Six month follow ups will drop to one year after my next "all clear," and I live down the street from one of the best cancer hospitals in the world.

It baffles me that with all these positives, I can't shake the underlying trauma. Am I looking to be a victim? Every now and then, TC pops up in my thoughts and stops me dead in my tracks. My lone testicle is a pretty clear reminder that it was the real deal, but my cognitive self just doesn't understand the emotional gravity this experience continues to elicit. Given the cure rate and my particular prognosis, I almost feel guilty for feeling anything, if that makes any sense.

Not meaning to blog out on anyone who happens to come along - I guess it just helps to get it out. I'll go in next week, get the routine barium invasion, get the OK and forget about it again until the next time around, I'm sure.

It has helped me to read the threads here. If any other readers are surprised that they can't quite shake the experience all the way, and are even more surprised to find that some kind of guilt comes along with that, you're not alone. The whole journey is indeed a strange ride.

[Nut of Mordor]

I'm in the same boat, found it very early, a few really bad months and then back to normal.

But, yes, when the surveillance check ups are getting closer is a nasty reminder, a mix of negative feelings, anxiety, etc.

Can't wait to have 6 months/yearly check ups. Every 3 months is really too much, it doesnt help me to put this crap behind me.

[Paul54]

It gets easier with time. Some people shake it off quickly, but I think most never completely forget about it. I'll have my 5 year checkup in a couple of weeks and I'm a little bit nervous. Hang in there. You certainly aren't alone.