Is this just stress

**mercyriver** · 03-31-08, 12:56 PM

And let me prequel this vent by saying I am "trying" to refer to my husband's stress...not mine, but let me tell you, it has been stressful for me as well.

My husband has a check up next Friday and I am hoping he will be honest with the onc and let him know how he is really feeling. And to be honest I am hoping it is all stress, in a way....or course that is harder to rid yourself of.

He is now a year post chemo and 6 months post L-RPLND. He had no lasting side effects or damage from chemo and recovered fully from his L-RPLND.

He has had trouble sleeping for months now. And I am not actually sure it is trouble sleeping as it as much just not being rested and refreshed from sleeping. Only every so often does he wake up at night and he falls alseep in less then five minutes ever night. So I don't know why, but he isn't sleeping well enough some how.

The other night I thought it might be sleep apnea, after our 5 year old woke me at 4:30, I couldn't get back to sleep because my husband was gasping in his sleeping. Once you would have thought he was drowing he sat up flailing and gasping for air, for maybe 5 seconds and then lay back down and went to sleep. He kept gasping for air every few minutes for almost 45 minutes and it didn't help to try to wake him. I laid there for a while to make sure he was going to keep breathing. Freaked me out a bit, but he did finally stop and just started snoaring instead.

He has also been extreamly short with the girls and I. He has been yelling at them for everything and that is just not him. This morning he got angry at me for knowing something more about some medical condition them him.

And if it was just that I would think, maybe it is just stress. But he has been having coordination problems, he does communications for a company and has been having trouble with typing. He has also been stumbling a lot, for no obvious reason.

And then his driving....aye....I am just glad the weekend is over and he isn't driving us around any more. We drove up to see his brother this weekend. He has always been a guy that is very firm on not speeding and he went 15 to 20 over the speed limit the entire way. He kept drifting into the other lane. He kept trying to move over into other people in the other lane and kept swearing they were all in his blind spot. His driving has just been terrible.

I keep telling myself maybe it is testoterone? Stress? I have no idea. I know where I can let my mind take me.

I have no idea. But like I said at the start, it is causing me stress!

I just hope he is honest with the onc next week....assuming it doesn't get any worse, or I am going to be taking him into the ER to get his brain checked.

I haven't even tried talking to him about it yet, he is acting so delicate right now and I would hate to ruin my opportunity to adress it with him and hope that he recognizes that something isn't right. Wether from stress or hormones or something else, it really needs to be addressed.

OK, I am done with my vent now...and feeling just a tiny be less stressed....

Becki

**Fish** · 03-31-08, 01:21 PM

Becki,

Sorry to hear this. The gasping and waking up tired and unrefreshed sound very much like sleep apnea. This is not something you want to ignore, it puts an incredible amount of physical stress on the body. Guys who snore are more likely to have sleep apnea. Being sleep deprived would certainly explain the short temper as well. Make sure this is mentioned to the doc. He will likely have to recommend another doc, as if it is suspected sleep apnea, the onc won't handle diagnosis and treatment.

**Margaret** · 03-31-08, 02:56 PM

Becki, I am so sorry you feel like you are walking on egg shells. The only person that can really figure out what is going on is his doctor.

I am not sure if you can do this (lord knows I did it many times) but call your husband's doctor....explain all this in private to him. Ask for advice and maybe he can call your hubby back in to 'check on things' with out telling him you called. maybe there is something that can be done to get him back to a happier place.

Thoughts are with you

**NYC Russ** · 03-31-08, 03:16 PM

That does sound an awful lot like sleep apnea and if it is, it would explain a lot of the other "issues". Interruption of one's sleep for long periods like that can result in all sorts of emotional and physical manifestations. More importantly, apnea can potentially have serious consequences if left untreated, so it's vital that either he or you advice his docs of his symptoms.

The typical treatment for even serious cases is just a CPAP machine - a little oxygen mask that you wear while sleeping which pressurizes the air you breathe. Some docs like to remove tonsils (although I'm not sure about the efficacy of that practice) and all will recommend a diet if he's even a little overweight.

All of which pales in comparison to what he's already been through, so just keep pointing out that he's done the hard part already - this stuff is a cakewalk in comparison.

Best of luck.

**boyce** · 03-31-08, 03:29 PM

I just returned from the doc having my testosterone checked. Below are common symptoms of low T.

Low libido
Depression
Loss of body and facial hair
Feeling lethargic
Menopausal-like hot flashes
Progressive decrease in muscle mass
Impotence
Semen containing little or no sperm

While your LH (Loving hubby) may not have all of these, it sounds like he may have some. It's worth checking out at least.

**Mrs Moggi** · 03-31-08, 08:50 PM

My husband is at a sleep study as I type because when he had his I/O he had trouble with his oxygen levels when he fell asleep in the recovery room. Finally, proof of what I'd been telling him for years. He has all the symptoms you described except irritability, however that is common in tiredness. Plus, it may be worse for your husband if he is stressed about his doc appt. The consequences of sleep apnea can be very severe, ie stroke etc but it can easily be resolved. It's definitely something to look into.

**mercyriver** · 03-31-08, 08:52 PM

Well there is some good news out of this tonight....he was talking about how he kept biting his lip while eating, he keeps dropping things and he is having so much trouble typing. After that I gently mentioned that maybe chemo a year later is having some effect on his nervous system. That at least got him thinking and he said he is going to ask the onc next week "why he is having trouble typing".

So at least he has acknowledge there is a problem. With him that is always half the battle.

I will keep MS in the back of my mind. We've been down that road with myself before. They never did figure out what it was, they just called it peripherial nerve damage.

Oh, and Boyce unless testostrone can be low WITHOUT low libido, I think he is OK....though I will always wonder.

Thanks again as always for your support. It really did help just to get it out of my mind some.

Becki

**MRMRSU** · 04-01-08, 08:08 PM

Hey Becki: I was going to suggest you calling the onc. ahead of time prior to his appointment to go over your concerns...but I see that Margaret already beat me to it (like a true witty wife

)

I hope the appointment goes well on Friday...you hang in there, okay?

**mercyriver** · 04-02-08, 08:51 AM

Well Margaret and Maria, it looks like I won't have to call the oncologist ahead of time.

We had a nice heart to heart, mostly initiated by him, last night. I told him he could call the onc early and he decided against that. Then I made him promise to talk to the onc about it and he agreed and said he needs to because his lack of control over his hands is driving him crazy. Which opened up the opportunity for me to address the other issues I had been seeing. And he then agreed, yes he had been walking into things and stumbling a lot and that he was having some trouble with driving.

I also told him if he didn't tell the onc everything that I would be down there the following week standing in the middle of the waiting room screaming until they called him and he got down there and confessed everything that was bothering him (and they carted me off to the looney bin). And he agreed he would compleatly spill the beans.

He then said he hoped everything wouuld just resolved itself. I told him I agreed as long as he would still mention it to the onc. And he said he would.

And he is a man of his word, so I don't have to worry about what he is already agreed to. I might have to remind him on next Friday, but he will do what he said he would do.

It just took a little sweet talking on my part!

Thanks for the encouragement.

Becki

**MRMRSU** · 04-03-08, 12:31 AM

Originally Posted by mercyriver

It just took a little sweet talking on my part!

We ladies gotta do what we ladies gotta do!!!

Dear Becki, I'm so happy for this turn of events...sweet talking works every time! I'll be waiting for post on the results of his onc. appointment. Be well!

**mercyriver** · 04-10-08, 09:46 AM

Well, my husband finally called the onc yesterday, who sent him for an MRI right away.

Fortunantly and unfortunantly it came back negative.

So we are no closer to knowing what is causing all the problems he is having. He was even having trouble writing on the medical forms yesterday.

I am not sure if the Dr looked for other things such as lesions from MS or stroke or anything like that.

I've read about a few other conditions that can cause the symptoms that my husband is having, including paraneoplastic syndroms. Which are caused when the immune systems attacks the body instead of cancer cells.

But I'll leave that up to the Dr's to figure out, hopefully.

He is not an easy person to live with right now. I can't tell if he is depressed and grumpy because of what is going on or or if what is going on is actually causing him to be grumpy and depressed.

All I know is I want answers. The oncologist left a message at the hospital saying he was baffled or confused or something along those lines, about what was going on, but they would keep working on it.

His appointment is next Thursday and I am hoping maybe they will at least do some blood tests before then.

Here's to hoping.

Becki

**NYC Russ** · 04-10-08, 10:00 AM

While it sucks not finding out the cause of the problems, each one the doctors rule out means you're one step closer to finding out the one that is. They way doctors sometimes work is with a "differential diagnosis" - a list of all possible causes for the symptoms, then they start testing to rule them each out (usually in order of probability). That's why, if the underlying cause is rare, it takes longer to "diagnose" it.

It may help both you and your husband if you keep the pressure up on his doctors (since he seems less proactive). Like most areas in life, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" applies in medicine, too. You've done great so far, so keep it up!

Beyond that, "depressed and grumpy" is not unexpected, no matter what the root cause. There may not be much you can do to change it, or even help it get better, so remember to stay focused on not letting it make you depressed and grumpy too.

Best wishes.

**Margaret** · 04-10-08, 10:54 AM

I am glad to hear they are going to keep working on it. Keep pressing for answers, you deserve to know.

You are doing a great job!

**MRMRSU** · 04-11-08, 12:50 AM

Oh Becki, I'm sorry that things are still up in the air. Hang in there...although your hubby may not appreciate all of your efforts now, I'm sure he'll say something or do something completely unexpected that will just melt your heart later on when this comes to pass. And I'm hoping right along with you that this will indeed come to pass. I think he's just frustrated at the situation, and I guess any of us would be, too. Patience is a tough thing to master...they say it's a virtue, but I'm pretty convinced it's a torture test!

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!" - Franklin D. Roosevelt