I/O done! But, my little girl has hard time seeing daddy with 'owie'.

[greg_oz]

Hi there.
I posted Here on tuesday, as I awaited my second I/O... I had it yesterday, and it went great. I was at the hospital at 8am, had the surgery at 10am and left for home at 3pm.

Interesting thing before the surgery: the surgical urologist who did the surgery offered to extract the testicle, get an immediate pathology on a sample of the tumor and then, based on that, make a decision whether to keep it in, or to remove it. His and my opinion was it is a very small chance that it is benign. This is due to the fact that I have had 2 ultrasounds, 2 weeks apart, and while we cannot be sure, they show the mass to have grown in that time. Also, psychologically, I did not want to deal with the uncertainty of having the testicle back in there, even if there is a benign mass.

So, I decided to ask him to remove it, as long as there was a mass there, which there indeed was. After the surgery, he told my family that I did a great job in finding the tumor early, as he confirmed that the testicle did not have any tactile lumps on the outside, and it did not seem exceptionally 'hard' to him. Apparently the tumor was growing from the inside.

I appreciated the option that he presented, however. Earlier he also said he wanted to determine if he could spare some of the testicle tissue, but the ultrasound showed that the tumor had overtaken too much of the testicle to leave any behind. I really liked his approach.

The only real problem was that my two-and-a-half year old, who stayed with my in-laws last night, came home today. My wife, told her that 'daddy has an owie and is laying down'. So, my wife brought her in, she saw me in bed, and started crying hysterically for about 20 minutes straight, which completely broke my heart. She would not leave the room, but would just lie on the floor and bawl. This made me break down also. My wife did her best to calm my daughter (and me!) down, and eventually the little one calmed down, and layed in bed with me and ate lunch. So, we called my mom, who came over and picked her up, so she will stay with my folks tonight now instead of being here. This was a complication I did not have to worry about 10 years ago with my first I/O. Of course, I will not be able to pick her up for 3-4 weeks while I heal, which I don't think she will understand either. It will be interesting to see how it goes with her, especially if I need treatment.

Anyone have any advice on how to help a toddler through this? I imagine it's tough for a child to see their parent in an incapacitated state. She probably thinks my wife and I are infallible (until she turns 10 or so and thinks mom and dad are dorks)

Other than that, I'm just sitting around the house, with my wonderful wife waiting on me

Thanks
-Greg

[dadmo]

You may simply be able to show her the cut and tell her that you need to be careful. I don't see any reason to tell her you were sick, you just had a bump that needed to be fixed.

[Scott]

Since Paul54 pulled out this thread, I thought I'd make sure you saw it!

http://www.tc-cancer.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6867

[greg_oz]

Thanks for digging that thread up. Admittedly, i did not do a search before i posted, sorry about that.

I think my daughter will be fine with knowing I have an 'owie' and seeing me tomorrow up and about, rather than in bed. She loves to help me and my wife around the house, so i am sure she will take pride in helping to make Daddy feel better quickly (which I already am)

[Scott]

I'd have to agree that age 2 1/2 is a bit young to get into details. You'll get better quickly.

[Manny]

Greg - I have a daughter who is older (7) and I just love to hold her. I used to have her come sit on my lap about a week after I/O. The doctors said that would be fine as long as she stayed in my lower lap (half way up my thigh) and I was able to keep her away from the I/O incision on my belly. They also said no carrying / lifting her, or anything more than 10 pounds - but it is ok to have her in my lap. You may want to check with your doctors to see if they would let you do that.

[boyce]

This is an ineresting one for me. I am a believer and a practicer of telling kids the whole truth as we did with my 6 year old at my diagnosis. However, I think it might be good and even cathartic for her to see you not feeling well and have an oversimplified understanding of why.

If it was me, I'd do just what you all have, and let her know that Daddy will feel better soon, and that you love her even when you feel awful.

You can't really make a wrong choice, becasue she knows you love her...and love is enough.

[David1969]

I have had the same issues with my Daughters (4 and 2). I have had 2 RPLND's so have a nice big "booboo" as they call it. My eldest found it harder to cope and was uoset that I could not pick her up etc, we just explained the Doctor had done it to make Daddy better!!!! My youngest who is 2 was not as bothered, in fact she likd to toch by "booboo" especially when I had the stapples in!!!!

[greg_oz]

Wow. Thanks, everyone, for your replies, stories and assurances.

It's almost 48 hours since the surgery now, so I am doing well, up and around (but kicking back on the couch now of course). My mom is going to bring my daughter back home in a little while, so we'll try again. Now that I shaved and showered today, I think I look (and probably smell) normal again! So, I'm sure her reaction will be a lot different today.

Thanks again!

[Fed]

Originally Posted by greg_oz

Of course, I will not be able to pick her up for 3-4 weeks while I heal, which I don't think she will understand either. It will be interesting to see how it goes with her, especially if I need treatment.

Anyone have any advice on how to help a toddler through this? I imagine it's tough for a child to see their parent in an incapacitated state. She probably thinks my wife and I are infallible (until she turns 10 or so and thinks mom and dad are dorks)

Oh boy, does that bring back memories... my daughter was 1.5-years old when I had the I/O. After I was incapacitated, she used to get very frustrated when I couldn't lift her up. It's weird how kids react, especially when they are that young. It took her a while to warm back up to me, and now things are great -and she still is a daddy's girl . Just make sure you're careful when the kid's around, because no one ever knows what their next move will be. A week after my I/O Emi kicked me (by accident) squarely on the incision site .

As far as the surgery is concerned, it sounds like you have a very caring doc, and people like him are a testament to their profession. Best of luck with the recovery,

[petep]

kids are extremely adaptable - in three weeks, what is devastating to you now, she will have long forgotten about.

I agree with dadmo - you are just healing, just like when she does not feel well...and you'll be better in no time, just like she gets better...


...a side, I'll share a funny home story....my daughter (first child) just seemed to potty train herself at a young age...my wife and I thought this is easy...she starts pre-school much later and all of a sudden starts calling us for "the wipe"...it's keeping my wife and I up nights - what happened, she's regressing, did someone touch her inappropriately....a couple months later, I'm making dinner, making a mess of the kitchen...water boiling, things spilling, daughter crying out for me "come wipe me"....I go to the bathroom and just blurt out, what happened mikayla, you used to be able to do this yourself?

The response - if you wipe me I don't have to wash my hands....

so much for all of the parental worrying....

best wishes,

pete

[Karen]

Originally Posted by petep

kids are extremely adaptable - in three weeks, what is devastating to you now, she will have long forgotten about.

I agree with dadmo - you are just healing, just like when she does not feel well...and you'll be better in no time, just like she gets better...


...a side, I'll share a funny home story....my daughter (first child) just seemed to potty train herself at a young age...my wife and I thought this is easy...she starts pre-school much later and all of a sudden starts calling us for "the wipe"...it's keeping my wife and I up nights - what happened, she's regressing, did someone touch her inappropriately....a couple months later, I'm making dinner, making a mess of the kitchen...water boiling, things spilling, daughter crying out for me "come wipe me"....I go to the bathroom and just blurt out, what happened mikayla, you used to be able to do this yourself?

The response - if you wipe me I don't have to wash my hands....

so much for all of the parental worrying....

best wishes,

pete

Pete, that story's a riot!!!!!


Greg,
She's really little, and I agree 110% with scott, dadmo and pete that this will be forgotten about quickly. Try to get up and walk around more. It'll reduce the chance of adhesions and make you more "normal" to her.

[Margaret]

first of all Pete, I loved that story...heee heee

Greg, our son saw the TV show "HardBall with Chris Matthews" and said "Daddy they are talking about your kind of cancer....see....they said Hard Ball"

Kids are the best.

[Fish]

Pete, that's priceless. That's some might fine reasoning at such a young age.